“It’s called love, don’t nobody sing about it no mo’?” – J.Cole
EEKKKKKK! My first blog post about love. Funny, it’s something I talk, think and actually write about allllll the time. My journey with understanding love began overs 10 years ago. And over time my definition or explanation has evolved, as we do as humans. From what I’ve gathered, this makes complete sense because like us, evolution is inevitable…as is love.
Welcome to LIVELOVEYOURS – the name behind my Love Coaching Community and I’m Mel, your personal connection coach. I’ve studied love because I was so confused why we can one minute be SO in love and overnight feel completely opposite. Is love forever? I started to ponder and dive deep into it all, and I learned one thing…yes – love is forever, if you decide it to be. Love is a decision of commitment and awareness. The name, LIVE LOVE YOURS , came to me one night, a couple weeks in bed after a bad breakup. Devastated, in pain, confused and angry – J. Cole’s “Love Yourz” came on. This was as closest I’d allow myself to listen to a love song, because I was refusing to look at love at this point, I had given up on it. But of course, so the universe would have it…
“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours. No such thing, no such thing”
Thanks J * rolls eyes * . But it hit me, as the song played out –
“Though I’m not sure what’s ’bout to happen next
I asked for strength from the Lord up above
Cause I’ve been strong so far
But I can feel my grip loosening
Quick, do something before you lose it for good
Get it back and use it for good
And touch the people how you did like before
I’m tired of living with demons cause they always inviting more”
I had a COMPLETE revelation! My relationship ended (abruptly) and all I had considered is “WHY WHY WHY! How could he treat me like this, how could he NOT do this..etc” but then I sat with the present. You know what Mr.Cole, you are RIGHT! I realized this wasn’t who I was. I had always been someone that took full responsibility in my life. Of course I am human, it was ok to mourn the loss of my ex boyfriend. But there was beauty in recognizing that I had a mission and purpose and if I didn’t shower, brush my hair and get back into the world – I had let a lot of people down. I only have this life, and I have A TON of love to give – why waste it? So I wiped my tears away and created my IG account: @Liveloveyours . I wasn’t sure where it was going to take me, but I knew in that moment I had some service to give. I won’t bore you with all the details here – but the point I learned in that moment was that I was able to shift from despair to neutrality (which in a sense, felt very soothing). A sense of disconnect to a surge of “RE-connection” in seconds. Point blank, I returned to love. My creativity started flowing, I re-enrolled into university online courses (I had taken sociology years prior with a focus on emotions and social psychology); ordered a bunch of wish list books I had stored in my amazon basket. And well, committed to learning this shit once and for all!
So here’s a couple things that were showing up consistently in my findings:
Love is a natural state for us, but we get in the way of it sometimes
It’s just as easy to connect to love, as it is to disconnect
It is internal, and we have everything we need now to access it
Anything situation or relationship can INDEED be healed with the power of love (with willingness)
So it brings me back to my main point, love is a decision. You decide when you want to access it and you decide when to give it. How much you feel really comes down to you! But, and this is a big BUT (and I cannot lie * music emoji *) …you may not know how to access it. There’s this little system inside of us, much like a computer, that stores our emotions and behaviours and how they get there is by being taught.
So secondly, I discovered love is learned. So when we want to love someone, we have to consider their learnt version of love and we decide to understand that or simply walk away. This is where couples can lie into trouble, so as simple as love is, it’s also very complex. Sure, you can take the 5 love languages quiz and do your part in adapting to your partner’s needs, but life will continue to evolve, as will your love.
This brings me to my last point on love…it is forever challenging. With change, comes growth. So love requires a commitment to understand in its risk. Risk to move through stages and discomfort, but with an understanding on how blissful it can be to come out on the other side!
Love is a decision
Love is learned
Love is risky
So one question for you, do you want to stay in love?
What are your thoughts on love? Do you agree or disagree with my take?